Remember a long time ago

Remember a long time ago, a news: a mother in the case of their desperate child into the wheels, and then committed suicide. News broadcast a condemnation of the mother's voice. I can deeply understand the despair and pain of the mother, because she is ready for death, she could not endure their own children to live in this world alone.

Child's eyes from day to day changes, gray, red, and then grayed out. I looked at it in fear constantly changing. I imagine more than once to kill Smelly, good end to the pain of his torment. I imagine give him air needle, sleeping pills, put gas Wusi him, or simply a person jumped off the floor. I'm riding a motorcycle every day with Smelly shuttle traffic endless highway, and more than once thought: If Which kind of driver suddenly we are killed nice ah. Many times I had to stop to stabilize the mood they want to crash. Yes, I admit that I was vulnerable. I can not stand his pain and despair.

My children live 958 days, two years, seven months, 15 days.

My Smelly alive, he is surprisingly well-behaved, surprisingly smart, he and the children of the same age as cute, not even more clever. He will use a different tone to call my mother to call my name, he was expressing his needs and feelings, he will see the wink, amusing people. He was very unique, very eye-catching. Not only because he keep the lad head, not just that he has a long pigtail. But he was very lively, very polite, and he saw no one to call. He likes cars, I bought him nearly 100 vehicles of different sizes of cars a day, he kept tinkering with his car. Yes, I spoil him, tilting my all to satisfy his desire. Watching him in pain seriously play for me is a kind of enjoyment and happiness, and I know I will not see the day a lot.

In the day that he was sick, I spent a lot of home remedies to cure him. I took him to find a qigong master, give him to drink his own urine, the frog's eyes for him to eat, go to the temple Wishing and so on. I know I am ignorant, but everything is useless. Smelly still do the surgery. Protruding because something in his eyes had grown up, really, not close his eyes. Each co-eyed when I helped him see that he should be the place of the eye has been a gray stuff instead, I was shaking. I really almost collapsed, I grabbed the hand of love, fiercely clutching, unable to speak, but my wife understands my eyes crazy. I know, go on like this, I would be mad. Or, I was in the eyes of the others have been crazy.

Smelly was wheeled into the operating room, his little body lying on the big bed, so thin and poor. I looked at the door of the operating room. My life seems to have been drained. Me up the day a silent prayer: "Let My Smelly do not live down, and he died on the operating table." I'm really mad world this prayer? But I did think that way. I know, the Smelly eyes gouged out. The place of his eyes is a black hole. I'm afraid I do not know how to face his pain. Even if he did the surgery die, better anesthesia quietly painful death. I was trembling. Teeth stop chattering, body shook and I could not stop shaking. My wife took my hand, and we sat on the steps outside the operating room, away from the crowd. Tightly holding each other's hands, and that is the only way we can seize.

Surgery push the car out. I lay down on the other bed. I am weak, weak from the heart. I support them. I have it, I was the mother. I saw the quiet of his body, a small body. Lying motionless on the bed. I hugged him and he is so light, I hold him, I was afraid he flew away. His left eye covered with a big gauze. His anesthetic still plays a role. He was very quiet. At that moment, I suddenly have a vision: is not this when he died? I viciously biting lips - do not think, ah.

Smelly crazy, he frantically pulled the gauze on his face. He does it hurt. The anesthetic awkward passed. He struggled shouted: "Mom, uncomfortable ah! Mom ah! Sad ah!" Lover forcefully grabbed his hand, calling to me: "Spring children, come and help me catch him! Do not let him put gauze pulled off I barely stand up Just then, Smelly struggling out his hand to me and shouted the word most memorable of my life: "Spring children! mom ah -!" the voice as desolate and helpless, as shocking!